Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
