I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
Randomize
