i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
