She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
God, I missed his penis.
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