I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Buhtt sex?
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
the day after is always just damage control
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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