Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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