no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Randomize
