nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
