I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
