Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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