what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
