This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
Randomize
