i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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