It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
