i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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