is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
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