I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
