today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
