worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
