i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
