The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
