these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Randomize
