Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
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