Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
