You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Randomize
