The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
