wat bout pragnant strippers??
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
