I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
