im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
