I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
