You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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