im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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