so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
