he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
