Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
