you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
