I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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