can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
