where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
what day is it and did you see me today?
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
