i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
