You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
