i permit you to call me
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
