He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
She told me I should be a condom model.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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