I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Randomize
