i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
