Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
