So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Randomize
