Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
This is the high leading the old right now
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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