This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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