just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
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